Moesha Boduong Wasn’t Truthful but Many Ladies Use Sex to Make a Living; Any Solutions?

On the night of April 11, 2018, after people deleted their trolls against Real Madrid, a video surfaced online of a Moesha Boudong CNN interview. I didn’t need Baba Fakunle to foretell me that the video would erupt and trend in the morning. This was because of the statements she made in the interview. The actress and model without fear of retrogression generalized that, due to the economy, ladies of her age can’t be independent, and need the assistance of rich men to be able to make ends meet. I quote her words vividly: “It’s like our economy is just such in a way that you just need someone to take care of you. You can’t make enough money as a woman here. Because even when you want to get an apartment, in Ghana, you pay 2 years in advance. And I just started working, where will I get money to pay for an apartment for 2 years?

 

Now for those who don’t know, this interview was held on a programme on CNN known as “Sex and Love Around the World.” On this show, the hostess, Christiane Amanpour travels the world covering global affairs, getting personal with women by inquiring about their intimate lives. So it’s not out of track for Moesha, well known for exposing her voluptuous body, to land such an interview.

Social media has been divided into 2 parts. One side bashing her for painting Ghana black, and not giving a true reflection of what goes on here. The other side also calls Ghanaians hypocrites, and testify that it’s the reality she was bold to voice out on an international platform.

Moesha Boduong

Honestly speaking, what Moesha said is not the truth. We all know a lot of ladies who work their asses of to make ends meet, are self-reliant and independent. Those females actually carry a majority of the populace. However, that doesn’t change the fact that a significant percentage of Ghanaian ladies sleep around to make ends meet. I lived in the community of University of Ghana, Legon for 4 years. I saw ladies in sexually-appealing shorts everyday standing beside their sugar daddies’ cars. Others got dropped on campus on Sunday and Monday mornings.

Everyone is busily throwing insults at Moesha for her statement, but none is thinking about how we can empower women to be independently free. If you’ve not experienced it before, or tried putting yourself in their shoes, you may easily condemn the act of sleeping around for money. When in uni, ladies from not-so-rich backgrounds had to keep up on appearances, pay their hostel fees, feed themselves, and have an enjoyable life on campus. After graduating, everyone chases independence, so they want to live alone, and choose their own path. That way, the expenses are high. So they think of it as instead of laying with broke guys who may eventually cheat or break their hearts, why don’t they go in for rich men who can suit their bills.

List of Female Enterpreneurs in Ghana

Inasmuch as this analogy sounds legit, it is wrong. First of all, you have to accept that in this life, you are on your own. If you understand that, you’ll learn to live within your means. If you’re not satisfied, find good ways to make money for yourself. Your sisters abroad are schooling and working at the same time. You can do it, maybe, your problem is that you’ll receive less salary. Remember, half a loaf is better than none. Venture into entrepreneurship. Even if you fail, you’ll learn a lot along the way. Depending on someone for support only makes you lazy. It suggests that the greatest asset you have is your vagina.

Don’t trade your vaginal pride for cedis. The greatest weapon you have is an active and rational mind. If your counterpart females are able to have small startups, draft proposals, work 9 to 5, etc., and make a living off it, what stops you from doing same? Yes, the economy makes it tough, but when life gives you lemons, you squeeze lemonades. It’s better that way than using your vagina for barter trade.

Thanks to Moesha for bringing the discussion up. If I wrote this article last 2 days you may have not read it. What’s fulfilling is a Ghana of powerful and hardworking ladies, who double up as good parents and wives. Let’s get it!

Bloody Mary

My eyes were barely closed and I could feel the pain in my abdomen, a very sharp one of course. My cover cloth took most of my strength, as I tightly held on to it. Being put in a freezer was nothing compared to the cold I felt, and I could not think for myself again. After turning unto different sides of my body countless times, I was finally tired. I couldn’t move anymore.

My legs felt weak and my arms could barely do anything than grip firmly to my bed and cloth. I was in severe pain, the kind of pain that dragged life out of you. I needed something however I couldn’t figure out what. I could do nothing.

Suddenly my thoughts went dark and all I could think of were regrets.

What if I never met Jane?

What would it have cost to let the championship go?

I was an athlete in my final year in school with just one term to go, when my friend Jane introduced me to this man. I had won my  national race after beating all contenders from the various regions and I was due to travel for the national championship in Europe. So why now?

What did I do wrong?

What did I do to deserve this?

It was until then I realised my eyes were short of tears as I had been crying since morning and I was very thirsty. I stretched to reach for the sachet of water on the table by my bed but I couldn’t reach it.  I was so weak. I had to use my last strength to drive myself to take the water and quench my dire thirst.

Before I could reach the sachet, my thighs felt wet and my bed was soaked, I raised the cloth to see why, and all I could see was blood! So much blood!!. Fear struck me and I started shaking!

The drug Jane gave me didn’t go well. I perceived immediately. Oh God!..what had I done?

The bed was so soaked, it stained the floor. My hands and body were so stiff that it felt as if I was frozen. I should have told him I was pregnant. I should have not listened to Jane.

I should have put my four-month old baby first before my championship.

Now I can’t go back, I’m stuck in this gruesome mire of life and there’s no escape. What lies ahead is one I won’t think of. I’m stuck with regrets. I shed tears and wept. All of a sudden, I missed life with everyone and every single moment. Thinking about the good times and the bad ones, giving myself another chance over and over again. Living myself through my regrets over and over again.

The next thought was to kill myself by finishing the concoction of grounded glass and herbs which I had tried using to terminate my pregnancy. How could I have thought of this?

Is Jane that wicked? Or she was just being a good friend?

She gave me an empty glass bottle to grind into tiny pieces and mix with some weird herbs she had picked from a bush nearby, and drink. Desperate times call for much reasoning. If you’re in a confusing state or situation, don’t rush on decisions and be very careful of the only option you’ve got.

My strength was gone and my life was being squeezed out of me slowly by the pain. I was almost gone. I am dying. I started imagining what my child could have become, maybe something far greater than my championship or 5th gold honors… what a world we live in!

“Mary!!”..”Mary!!”…that was my mother calling, she had just come back from church and didn’t know what I had done. “Get up Mary!, you’ve been sleeping all day”, she said. I couldn’t respond. She dragged the cloth off me and was astounded by the blood soaked sheets that spilled all over the floor. “Jesus!” she screamed.

When you want to take a decision in life, think through it first. Sometimes in life, everything seems down and confused. You can’t make head from tail and all your thoughts become blurred. You have no idea whatsoever of what to do. Just kneel and pray, ask for guidance, talk to someone about it and don’t fear your failure, for your biggest failure is fear.

The tiny million pieces of glass were cutting my womb and stomach slowly and painfully that I could feel every single cut in my abdomen. Thick red blood with some whitish discharge was oozing from my genitalia and was dripping off my thighs to the hospital floor, as I sat on the wheel chair. I could hear every drop hit against the floor tiles like a not properly closed kitchen tap with water dripping. My legs were trembling and numb. I was so scared and it got worst after taking my hands off between my thighs and beheld my blood-stained palms. It was all over my hands. I was lost in a world of regret. I could hear nothing or see nothing.

Am I dead?

God has a plan for each and every one of us. You might sin and get away with it but don’t think God is dead, he just has better plans for you and he must see you through. He gives as a chance that others would wish for, to fulfil his purpose for us.

If not for God, I would have been dead!

I ASKED MYSELF, WHO’S FAULT IS IT?

I recovered after months of hospitalization and I appreciate life better now. I lost my baby and womb, but I still have life.

We only have one life so, live it right!

Deadman, Alive!

Suddenly I lost control of myself and was being manhandled by a strong force that took me high up regardless of my body position and crushed me down with great force on the surface. I finally lost my reasoning. Everything became dark and all I could see was nothing. I tried getting on my feet, only to realise there was nothing beneath, then the thoughts came running, where am I?

My hands touched nothing and my feet felt loose, my eyes could not see and my nose could not breathe.

At this point my mind was blank and helpless, rendering my entire being clueless. Then slowly, I began to lose hold of the grasp of air in my lungs and as well the firm grab of my nose and mouth. Water started gushing in slowly until I could hold no more. It gradually filled my throat and nostrils, and I was struggling vigorously to catch some breath or get above the surface.

During the struggle all I could see were images of those I hate and think hate me, ones that always brought me pain and suffering. Ones that never support even when I grief for help, and ones all my life have brought pain and hatred, the bad times and the terrible moments. As I continued struggling my limbs got fatigued and I struggled less with my lungs being filled halfway with water, I realized my strength was gone and I could fight no more.

I did not give up but my strength was gone…

Immediately I was sober and sodden in regret and sorrow. I could not hold on any longer. My senses were all dead and I could do nothing for myself. I was so exhausted and couldn’t even afford to blink if I had the chance. Then I decided to give up. But just before I was gone, in a split second, all the memories of great moments I had with loved ones and friends came embracing before I departed.

I saw the face of my mum and dad when I was a kid, I recalled wonderful moments I never would have if I was normal. I saw the faces of each person I love, my family laughing and sharing experiences, my friends misbehaving and quarreling, classmates teasing and sharing ideas; the children on the field, then joy in church. All these beautiful things were bidding farewell right in my face and I was ready to go a happy man, everything went dark and I knew it was time, suddenly I saw her face, clearer than all the other memories and faces I had seen…she was the love of my life. She said nothing and did nothing but just kept smiling.

I really missed her.

But suddenly she had a sad look and I knew it was because I was leaving.

I wanted to right my wrongs,

I wanted to apologise,

I wanted to say goodbye,

Just what I needed, an Iorta of Hope,

The beneath my feet never felt and the pillar that was missing in the vacuum my swinging arms didn’t grab…

I breathed heavily with my last strength and I pushed hard only to feel a warm arm holding me and dragging me towards a very bright light, the light was brighter than day and warmer. All the water in my lungs came running out and my chest was loose,

My first breath was cooler

My limbs felt free and I was alive

I opened my eyes and I saw the skies. It was more beautiful than I ever saw it…

I saw the people around me and they were much more fascinating than I thought they were…

I felt myself again and I appreciated it…

I was a dead man and I’m now alive!

The feeling of a just delivered child we never remember or know.

I was saved by the beautiful people and times I had,

I was saved by love.

 

Life is beautiful, it’s where you belong!

Words by Nana Kofi Tego

The Perils of Pornography

Most youth have the school of thought that pornography tends to be a source of sexual excitement for them. From the looks of it, they may have a point but then do they get to know the scenes behind the mindset of porn? Once they get satisfied with the amusement they need, they begin to forget all the misfortunes they bring to themselves in the course of their lifetime — talk about marriage, education etc.

Well then, there is the need for someone to bring to their notice that this form of practice tends to do them more harm than good.

I have therefore taken this opportunity to enlist the problems accompanied to this form of habit most of us enjoy in our everyday life.

Starting with the idea that excessive consumption of pornography causes erectile dysfunction. Erectile dysfunction is a state where the genitals tends not to erect even with naked sexy lady in front of a man. Inasmuch as I don’t want to bore you with the science of all this, bear in mind that there’s proven to be porn-induced erectile dysfunction. They tend not to have any pleasure in any sexual activity with women and this I know does not bring healthy relationship between a man and his woman of choice eventually leading to lots of havoc in their relationship. What’s worse? The man loses the natural ability to procreate.

Furthermore, the watching of pornography often affects the emotion of viewers. Viewers of pornography mostly do their act in isolation, and this leads to a more familiar bond with this artificial or virtual world they create within their minds than the real world. Such people are hard to please even if they’re with the right relationship partner.

Lastly, probably the greatest effect that pornography has over the lives of its viewers is that it triggers the addiction cycle in the brain of its viewers. Studies show that real brain functions change in someone who has an addiction. Since watching porn becomes a real life addiction, viewers are mostly not able to quit with their own power. Pornography addicts will have to go through the series of difficult recovery process a drug addict has to go through.

If viewers of pornography actually know these side effects of porn, they would have been done watching it. It is therefore our responsibility that we alert them on the antagonistic mindset of pornography. Thank you.

The Path Behind Us

As we travel, the path behind us will look smaller as we move forward; while the path we approach will look clearer and broad. This is how we should learn to forget the bad choices we have made in the past. Human beings are not perfect no matter how hard we try. We make a lot of mistakes which may cost us while others will not.

When we remember the mistakes we have made; it is normal to feel guilty and wish we could go back and correct our wrongs. These mistakes could be the choices we made consciously, but some may be the things we overlooked.  We all go through that time that the biggest mistakes we made play back in our minds repeatedly. Though we will remember the good things we have done; that is our achievements, these are some of the positive things we have done and feel proud of.

On the other hand, when the negative choices we have made in the past play in our minds, we should learn to let go of them. They sometimes ruin our day or week. There are some choices that will affect us till the end of our lives. Instead of regretting and wishing we should not have made those choices; we should learn from what we did wrong and teach others so that they will not make similar mistakes that we made.

As a result of our bad choices, we may lose certain things or some people forever but once we have life, we say there is more to live for. It is good to know what things led to those choices and never repeat them again. If we allow the negative choices we have made in our past to play, they will play the loudest in our minds as we dwell on them. At the end of the day, we may feel powerless making us think life is not worth living.

When we remember these negative choices we made in the past, we should learn to tell ourselves we are not perfect and if we had known that the consequences of our actions would have been negative, we would not have made those choices. Making mistakes is part of life and out of that, we get experience and increase in knowledge so we can guide others. We can also apologise to the people we have hurt or those who have been affected by negative actions and after this, we should leave them in the past where they belong and live our lives.

Keep Going

The life others have lived will not determine how ours will turn out to be. It is true that people do things and fail. The fact that a person did something and could not go through or finish it does not mean the same thing will happen to us if we do a similar thing.

The methods people use will be different from ours. We may have people who will tell us that they tried, or their parents or friends tried and could not do it. What these people will do is put fear in us when they find out that our goals are beyond their imaginations.  The fact that a person did something and failed and gave up does not mean the same thing will happen to us. There are some things we are the only people who are meant to start them.

Also, we are not them, that is, their strengths and weaknesses are not the same as ours. We are all different, so the things they cannot do we can. When we allow people to limit us, it reduces our confidence and belief we have in ourselves. Negative and visionless people will tend to put fear in us by what they see and how they live their lives.

All that we can do is to stay away from them. A lot of people like to sit on the bench and not take any risk. If all the major breakthroughs and inventions had been ignored because of fear; where would we be? Starting something no one or a few people have done is risky and scary. All sorts of things rush into our heads and the negative monster of possible failure will stick its head out.

Nonetheless, we feel powerful and reenergised when the thought of our idea runs in our head, knowing it’ll bring a bright light into our world. That thought and feeling should take away any fear from us. We should learn to spend less time with people who tell us our goals are impossible. As we focus on what we want to accomplish, better people will come our way. These people will push us toward our goals. They will show us ways to accomplish them; because they know how it feels to have a goal and have the desire to pursue it no matter what. They will be our source of inspiration where we can draw our strength from when we feel weak.

People and Lessons

People we meet in life can be compared to the food we take in. Some will have to stay temporarily and not even get to become nutrients, others stay in our blood stream to provide us nutrition. We meet all kinds of people in life; some may leave us when they have finished with the roles they perform in our lives. Others will stay with us till the end. The people who stay and leave are all important. As already hinted, when we take in food or water, some enter our blood stream and others leave the body through our digestive system.

3d rendered illustration – painful stomach

The food that is egested is important but not so important to stay in the body after digestion process is complete. They have to come out; when these substances stay in the body, they become poisonous. That is how people who enter would have to leave when they have finished with the task or the role they played in our lives. When they stay longer, they will deprive us or hinder our progress. The others who happen to stay with us temporarily come to teach us lessons. These lessons are there to shape and strengthen us but these lessons should be learnt in a very short time.  These people come into our lives when the lessons are meant to be taught and leave as soon as they finish their work.

The food products that enter our blood stream stay and form blood which serve as energy our bodies need to survive.  These are the permanent people who will stay with us like digested food that enters the blood stream and works on our bones and other parts of the body. These people reduce in number as we grow. They stay with us and may not be seen as making much contributions in our lives, but they stay no matter what the situation is.

We should learn to identify these people; those who are staying and people who will leave. They are all needed for the journey we are taking. Some will have to leave eventually but all these people are important in development and growth. We all need each other to survive. Some will be with us for a short time but they are needed others that is a few will stay with us for life. At the end of the day, it is the shaped life and how it turns out to be that is important. These lessons from temporary people are like short courses offered in schools. They are brief but they stay with us throughout our lives.  At the end of our lives, a few friends and family members will stay and be faithful till the end.

Maturity

As humans, our first reaction toward a negative comment or criticism about us is defence. This is the easiest; that is brushing off our mistakes or weak points. I won’t say it is totally bad because, dwelling on our weaknesses diminishes our confidence and makes us feel not enough and incapable even when we are capable. It is normal to get defensive upon hearing a bad or negative comment about ourselves however, pondering on these negative comments and criticisms and wondering how they can benefit us rather than brushing them off all the time sometimes determines how mature a person can be.

The body as it stands loves to be satisfied all the time no matter what. Just like the id and the ego, the body is primitive in nature; picking up fights, arguing, yelling at someone who has wronged you, eating food that tastes good in the mouth but harmful to the body all feel good at the moment they are being done when we are satisfying the needs of the body.

To be mature people, we have to learn how to tone down all these unnecessary demands of the body which will do nothing but ruin and destroy our integrity and respect we have spent years building for ourselves. The fact that a person wrongs or offends us shouldn’t make us destroy all the reputation and respect we have built for ourselves over the years by acting in a way that the body dictates to us to act since it feels right to burst out in rage or fury. A person can offend us but we should not let that same person take away our good emotions and respect as well. No matter what a person does; it will never be okay to trade our emotions when a person criticism.

A person can be good to us all their lives but might make a mistake or offend us and this will make us judge and treat this person who has been good to us all our lives as if he/she is our enemy. This is just like a very small stain in a white shirt; we notice it immediately and concentrate on that rather than all the other parts of the shirt which is white. This is the same way we treat criticisms and negative comments about ourselves.

Things are not bad in themselves till we define them as bad our negative so no comment about us is meant to destroy us even though that could be the intention of the critic; we should look at it from the point of view that, that comment is meant to make us better, an opportunity to learn something new about ourselves. Though not every comment we hear about ourselves is true, some of them are; and we have to ponder on them and find out how that comment can improve our lives.

Most of the time, there is a lesson we have to learn out of these comments or there should be some changes we have to make in our lives and these criticisms are there to guide us. When we avoid these criticisms they will appear in different forms and cause us to take a good look at our lives and make the necessary changes. We should be cautious of the people we consider their criticism; some people will complain about every little thing we do and will never appreciate our efforts.

Most comments from these people should be ignored. We do not have to change our entire lives to either please them or stop them from talking about us. Instead, when a person corrects us or makes a comment about our actions and we know in our hearts that it is true, we should take it and make the best out of that comment or criticism.

Not Because People Are Watching

People are surprised when they hear that a person they think they know very well has
committed a crime. There is something called “persona” that is a mask every human
being puts on. This mask is put on especially when people are watching; we are the
kindest, most faithful and always at our best. We do things to please people but deep
within us we know we are opposite what we portray to be.

This makes people put their trust in us only for them to be disappointed. What we do not realise is that; whatever has been covered by the mask will be revealed no matter what. There is no point in living a double life; we have to be at our best even when people are not watching. If we decide to live lives that are going to please people we realise we are the only people who are unhappy because; we pretend to be something or people we are not, and will never be, and can never be. We all have to live lives of excellence. It is not an option but a requirement.

We should be people who our colleagues at work or in school look up to and
emulate. When a new student or a new person is employed in the company or
institution we work in, we should be selected as their mentors. Not because we have
pretended to be but deep within ourselves, we know we are truly what we exhibit in
public for everyone to see and we do that while we are alone as well. I personally
believe we should all strive for excellence and not perfection. Excellence is when you do
the right thing when no one is watching and you know very well that is the right thing to
do.

People of excellence have positive attitudes. They do think and think about things that
are good and helpful to humanity, and they are selfless too. They live a stress-free life
knowing they do not have to be someone they can never be in the presence of their
family, colleagues at school, home or workplaces in order to be accepted by anyone. We
should not pretend to like our bosses and be so respectful and kind to them while all the
employees and the boss himself or herself is around; and turn round to gossip and insult
the boss right after he or she or our colleagues leave our presence.

We find out that we receive the same treatment we give out to people. When we
pretend, we meet people who also pretend and fake their love for us. That is how this
world is. Our true attitudes are reflected in other people’s behaviour towards us. Life is
short to live a pretentious life. This means we should not only dress up and keep our
houses and environs in place because we will be expecting visitors; rather we should do
it because, we know the right thing and the right thing should be done always. We
should let everything we do count because we do not know where our attitudes will
lead us to.

[Pt. 2] Vice or Vengeance; Why Robbers Will Continue to Rob Us

Read “[Pt. 1] Vice or Vengeance; Why Robbers Will Continue to Rob Us” here

…When the so-called non-conformists are not engaged in any act, they like to listen to music, especially those songs which express expletive vulgarity. When asked why they like to listen to such songs, they told me such tracks really depict how they feel. But how do they really feel? They feel that the world has neglected them. They think that nobody cares about them.

When they see their colleagues they were in basic school with, who have been able to climb the ladder to higher heights, mostly because they had some people to love and care for them, they begin to perceive how unlucky they have been, or how unfair the world is. They are not likely to vote or take part in any social obligations. Instead, they would invest their energies in building themselves to take back what the society has taken from them.

They can only do this by finding ways of bullying those who are privileged or affluent and taking part of their belongings or money away because such people would not voluntarily give them what they have worked for or in most cases, inherited. They know that when they get some of the things these people have, the society would show them love, at least that’s what the music they listen to, and the movies they watch inform them. That is not to say the music they listen to, or the movies they watch have corrupted their moral beings. It is the robbing of what they need by the society which has corrupted their conscience- the principal coordinator of the moral being.

When you critically examine the principles that govern man as a moral being, it would be clear that, man as a moral being is made up of three or four very distinct, but closely related components, which when not well regulated, could lead to corruption of the mind. These constituents are the desires and the affections including self-love; the will or volitions; the governing moral principles or what is commonly termed conscience; and lastly, the moral relation of man to his deity, or what has been termed religion.

These three or four constituents are one way or the other contingent on one another. An exercise of the will of an individual could be directed towards, first, an action to be performed to others; second, an object to be obtained; both of which are connected to a previously existing mental condition of the individual.  In regard to objects to be obtained, such a person’s mental condition would be that of desire- and that of actions towards others would be affection.

The conscience coordinates the exercise of volitions or the will of a man and how they are influenced by the affections or desires of such a man. Sometimes, the relation between a man and their Deity could regulate how they exercise their volitions. Clearly, it could be inferred that the desires and affections of an individual are the fundamental principles, upon which all other moral constituents build upon. That is to say, the affections or desires are the moving powers from which our actions proceed.

The affections, particularly, have been demonstrated to be that aspect of the moral being that enables an individual to relate with other men. They have been grouped into two, somehow contrasting groups: Uniting affections, including justice, benevolence, veracity, friendship, love, patriotism and domestic affections. Such affections bind a person to the entire community: an individual is obligated to demonstrate such affections towards others. In addition, there are defensive affections, including jealousy, disapprobation, and anger. How these affections are exercised depend largely on how other men exercise their own moral principles on an individual or how an individual perceive the morals of others to be.

If for instance, a person feels that he is part of a larger community because the community exhibits such uniting affection as love towards them, it is likely that such a person would exhibit one of the uniting moral principles, for example, patriotism in return. In a like manner, a person would employ a more defensive affection in response to the reverse situation-when they perceive other humans do not exercise a uniting affection such as love, justice or veracity towards them.

Such is the case of the four persons I interacted with, who do not feel any love, justice or any of the uniting affections from their immediate community or the society at large, so they employ defensive mechanisms resulting from acting on their defensive affections. The defense mechanisms such as bullying others are what society terms vice. But are these really vice or vengeance, serving only as defensive mechanism for those involved in such acts?

I do not intend to applaud these acts, but if our attentions are not directed towards the fundamental cause of them, regardless of how many churches we established, how many religious leaders we train or how large our prisons are, the number of criminals would keep increasing. So we should extend the uniting affections to everyone, especially those who are deprived of them, not because such acts keeps us closer to our Deity, but also such acts makes others feel a sense of belonging to the society.  As we celebrate this month of love, we should all endeavor to show more of the uniting affections to such people, as this is the most likely way to properly do away with acts of bullying and other ruffianisms.