Bloody Mary

My eyes were barely closed and I could feel the pain in my abdomen, a very sharp one of course. My cover cloth took most of my strength, as I tightly held on to it. Being put in a freezer was nothing compared to the cold I felt, and I could not think for myself again. After turning unto different sides of my body countless times, I was finally tired. I couldn’t move anymore.

My legs felt weak and my arms could barely do anything than grip firmly to my bed and cloth. I was in severe pain, the kind of pain that dragged life out of you. I needed something however I couldn’t figure out what. I could do nothing.

Suddenly my thoughts went dark and all I could think of were regrets.

What if I never met Jane?

What would it have cost to let the championship go?

I was an athlete in my final year in school with just one term to go, when my friend Jane introduced me to this man. I had won my  national race after beating all contenders from the various regions and I was due to travel for the national championship in Europe. So why now?

What did I do wrong?

What did I do to deserve this?

It was until then I realised my eyes were short of tears as I had been crying since morning and I was very thirsty. I stretched to reach for the sachet of water on the table by my bed but I couldn’t reach it.  I was so weak. I had to use my last strength to drive myself to take the water and quench my dire thirst.

Before I could reach the sachet, my thighs felt wet and my bed was soaked, I raised the cloth to see why, and all I could see was blood! So much blood!!. Fear struck me and I started shaking!

The drug Jane gave me didn’t go well. I perceived immediately. Oh God!..what had I done?

The bed was so soaked, it stained the floor. My hands and body were so stiff that it felt as if I was frozen. I should have told him I was pregnant. I should have not listened to Jane.

I should have put my four-month old baby first before my championship.

Now I can’t go back, I’m stuck in this gruesome mire of life and there’s no escape. What lies ahead is one I won’t think of. I’m stuck with regrets. I shed tears and wept. All of a sudden, I missed life with everyone and every single moment. Thinking about the good times and the bad ones, giving myself another chance over and over again. Living myself through my regrets over and over again.

The next thought was to kill myself by finishing the concoction of grounded glass and herbs which I had tried using to terminate my pregnancy. How could I have thought of this?

Is Jane that wicked? Or she was just being a good friend?

She gave me an empty glass bottle to grind into tiny pieces and mix with some weird herbs she had picked from a bush nearby, and drink. Desperate times call for much reasoning. If you’re in a confusing state or situation, don’t rush on decisions and be very careful of the only option you’ve got.

My strength was gone and my life was being squeezed out of me slowly by the pain. I was almost gone. I am dying. I started imagining what my child could have become, maybe something far greater than my championship or 5th gold honors… what a world we live in!

“Mary!!”..”Mary!!”…that was my mother calling, she had just come back from church and didn’t know what I had done. “Get up Mary!, you’ve been sleeping all day”, she said. I couldn’t respond. She dragged the cloth off me and was astounded by the blood soaked sheets that spilled all over the floor. “Jesus!” she screamed.

When you want to take a decision in life, think through it first. Sometimes in life, everything seems down and confused. You can’t make head from tail and all your thoughts become blurred. You have no idea whatsoever of what to do. Just kneel and pray, ask for guidance, talk to someone about it and don’t fear your failure, for your biggest failure is fear.

The tiny million pieces of glass were cutting my womb and stomach slowly and painfully that I could feel every single cut in my abdomen. Thick red blood with some whitish discharge was oozing from my genitalia and was dripping off my thighs to the hospital floor, as I sat on the wheel chair. I could hear every drop hit against the floor tiles like a not properly closed kitchen tap with water dripping. My legs were trembling and numb. I was so scared and it got worst after taking my hands off between my thighs and beheld my blood-stained palms. It was all over my hands. I was lost in a world of regret. I could hear nothing or see nothing.

Am I dead?

God has a plan for each and every one of us. You might sin and get away with it but don’t think God is dead, he just has better plans for you and he must see you through. He gives as a chance that others would wish for, to fulfil his purpose for us.

If not for God, I would have been dead!

I ASKED MYSELF, WHO’S FAULT IS IT?

I recovered after months of hospitalization and I appreciate life better now. I lost my baby and womb, but I still have life.

We only have one life so, live it right!